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Some honest-ass, piss-you-off shit about the Olympic torch

By Sam Devinecolumns
Apr 16, 2008 - 10:27 PM

Photo by Sam Devine

"Conquer first the beast. Master then the man. Let society grow. Or conquer first thy neighbor and just let society go." -Anon.

Remember when Mohamed Ali lit the torch? Even though he was unable to speak and shaking from Parkinson's? I'm pretty sure I saw a tear in Dad's eye that day…

But there was no joy in Mudville last Wednesday and no torch in Justin Herman Plaza when the Olympic torch came to San Francisco. The torch was rerouted. We struck out. The plaza was filled with so much impassioned bickering that, at the end of the day, it seemed that the lack of understanding and wisdom was pitiful, both sides were kind of fucked, and fittingly, though deeply regrettable, no one got to see the torch.

For outspoken SF this was another chance to stump, and every would-be preacher held their own river-camp revival. "PROTECT THE CONSTITUTION!!! THIS IS NOT COMMUNIST CHINA!!!" "THE DALI LLAMA IS A SLAVE OWNER!!!" "FUR IS MURDER!!"

Yup, PETA was there. On top of that, there was even a man doing some kind of performance-art-protesting-against-protesting thing by carrying a yellow and black sign that read, "I can't afford a real sign". One of the Free Tibet protesters then followed him around repeatedly yelling, "THIS MAN IS INSINUATING THAT THE SIGNS ARE NOT FREE!!! ALL THE SIGNS ARE FREE!!!"

So I of course followed him around, yelling out questions like, "All of them? What about the fancy ones?", "Well, do you have to make a donation?", and "Yeah, but what's the catch?"


As far as the Dali Llama slave thing goes, Rolling Stone had an article on Tibet a few months ago, but it didn't say anything about the Llama owning slaves. I asked the person yelling about this and she responded: "You have-a study Chinese history. I'm-a very busy."

And off she went into the crowd, "THE DALI LLAMA IS A …" fading into the din.

Two girls from Oakland came and asked me if I could find Tibet on a map as part of a school project. You know most Americans can't. FYI: it's north of Burma/Myanmar in the Himalayas (I didn't know but I asked a friend that I was with and they did and she said that that counted).

Next I asked a woman about her "China out of Darfur" sign. I hadn't heard anything about this either.

"Yeah, it's better if you google it," she said. "I'm in the middle of an action right now." "I love how you activists are too busy to answer any questions." "I'm in the middle of an action, asshole," she replied. While standing there. Holding a sign. At waist level.

Folks climbed up on the Ferry Building and hung a "Free Tibet" sign and I swear some Chinese supporters tried to knock one climber down, using flagpoles. Nothing like using violence to prove that you don't have human-rights baggage.

At 3:30, sunburned and fed up, I rode the ferry up to Vallejo. From there I took the number 10 bus to Napa to start my vacation and visit friends. A man on the bus asked me if I had seen the torch. He seemed exhausted and angry. We had boarded the ferry in SF at the same time. I couldn't bring myself to ask him the usual prying journalistic questions of name and age and residence (I was on vacation dammitt), but I can tell you this:

1. He shook uncontrollably through the entire journey, took a long time to form words and sentences and pleaded with a deckhand to let board the ferry early because he was sick. Perhaps with Parkinson's…

2. When I got off the bus we had been traveling for two hours together, putting his roundtrip at least four hours.

3. He didn't get to see shit except a bunch of Chinese flags and Free Tibet signs.


Sam Devine is a contributor to Oh Dang! and will eat your children for a nominal fee.

Comments (124)

giles says:
April 17, 2008 8:15 AM
you're right. this shit pissed me off.

erin says:
April 17, 2008 11:31 PM
good thing we have insightful folks like sam left in SF or all this nonsense would drive me totally crazy. now i can just chuckle about it. thanks sam...

Zoneil says:
April 18, 2008 4:20 PM
the only thing that sorta bugged me was the "You have-a study Chinese history. I'm-a very busy." line. but i don't wanna be one of those heavy-handed, asshole editors who restricts writers' freedom, ya know?

giles says:
April 20, 2008 6:48 PM
yo zoneil, i wasn't sure what that meant, is that an italian accent?

sick of "cause of the day" bullshit says:
April 20, 2008 7:30 PM
My mom went to protest tiannamen square, my mom went to protest the Iraq war, and my mom went to see the torch lighting for China in SF. But mom did not see the torch. She didn't see too many Tibetans either. Instead she was berated by Americans all around her, rampantly shouting: Go back to China!! She had to remove her Olympic t-shirt to get home safely. One week later: I was at a yerba buena asian fusion tea house. The teahouse philosophy section read: The price of scones have increased. Why: because of CHINA BUYING OUR WHEAT NOW. Two weeks later: CNN reporter bashes China and calls China "goons and thugs". How ridiculous and tired I am of people China bashing! People are not promoting peace, they are instigating xenophobia and hatred of a whole ethnic group. Yeah go yell at everyone Chinese or looks it! Sf Folks: protest all you want!! Protest MORE for: Tibet, Iraq, Haiti, Palestine, and for Mexican immigrants here being deported. Protest for humanity and human rights to a living wage and universal healthcare. Yeah do this with the same passion and con-sis-tency man! Get the info straight and check yourself--make sure you dont replicate the same sweeping anti-immigrant actions of our government. thanks for the post.

Sunshine Mexico says:
April 20, 2008 10:40 PM
Fuck the Olympics, fuck Tibet and fuck Patrick Swayze.

Zoneil says:
April 22, 2008 10:46 PM
i thought it was chinese...

Kimberly Turner says:
May 9, 2008 8:29 AM
Excellent analysis Sam! Your method of putting their stupidity on public display is so much more constructive than my method of using pepper spray. I hate it when people protest for the sake of protesting. They make a lot of noise but it’s all BS. They couldn’t explain their platform to you because they don’t have one & haven’t done any research on their cause. It’s all pageantry.

eatme says:
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china is sending arms to darfur. china make the weapons for those who cause genocide in sudan. motherfucker. why didn't you search for "china darfur" like she told you before making yourself look like an ignorant lazy opinionated asshole. it would be so easy for you to not be a fucking piece of shit. this is for your own good. in the future, please try not to disrespect the dead. it's very easy. http://www.bing.com/search?q=china+darfur&src=IE-SearchBox&FORM=IE8SRC http://www.businessweek.com/globalbiz/content/mar2008/gb20080314_430126.htm http://www.savedarfur.org/pages/china_and_sudan

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